China: Girls spend lakhs to patch things up with their exes; here’s a trend that’s gaining momentum

Beijing: After a breakup, most people turn to friends and family for support or try to move on with time. However, a distinct trend is rapidly gaining momentum in China. Many young women there are spending vast sums—sometimes hundreds of thousands of rupees—to win back their ex-boyfriends. They are enlisting the help of self-proclaimed "relationship coaches" who claim that following their advice can rekindle the relationship in up to 90% of cases.

According to a report by the 'South China Morning Post', a 28-year-old Chinese woman—using the pseudonym "Wan" to protect her identity—paid a relationship coach 3,500 yuan (approximately ₹40,000) to win back her ex-boyfriend. In return, she was promised round-the-clock advice and guidance for a month. However, in many instances, these fees can soar to as much as $3,000 (around ₹3 lakh).

Why is trend popular in China?

Wan recounted that the coach initially spoke with her over the phone for about 90 minutes for free. During this conversation, it was explained to her that the relationship hadn't ended because her boyfriend didn't love her, but rather because her own deep-seated insecurities had taken a toll on the relationship.

The coach suggested that her insecurity might stem from a lack of sufficient parental affection during childhood. Following this, she was offered a one-month coaching package.

The first rule of the plan was to have absolutely no contact with her ex for the initial 21 days. Additionally, Wan was advised to change her appearance, curate her social media posts, and learn specific communication techniques to make her ex perceive her as becoming a better person. The coach claimed that if the plan were followed diligently, there was a 90% chance of success.

Wan followed every piece of advice, but the outcome was the exact opposite of what she had hoped for; her ex-boyfriend blocked her on the chat app. When she questioned the coach about the claim of a 90% success rate, instead of an apology, she was offered another expensive package costing 9,800 yuan (approximately ₹1.15 lakh). She was told that this time, she would be assigned a more experienced mentor.

Why are the videos watched by millions on social media?

Chinese social media platforms are flooded with individuals claiming to be relationship experts. The hashtag #getbacktogether has garnered nearly 970 million views, while #datingskills has received over 10.4 billion views.

Experts believe the popularity of these topics reflects the immense pressure many women in society still face regarding relationships and marriage. This is why, following a breakup, they often feel emotionally vulnerable and are easily swayed by such promises.

Another woman spent 20,000 yuan (approximately ₹2.3 lakh) in an attempt to reconcile with her ex-husband. She wanted the initiative for reconciliation to come from him so that her image would not be tarnished in front of friends.

An expert from Shenzhen University notes that many marriage and dating counseling companies specifically target individuals who have recently gone through a breakup and are emotionally vulnerable.

The number of psychological counseling companies in China has surged from around 18,000 in 2016 to over 160,000 today. Meanwhile, more than 3,000 complaints related to relationship counseling have been registered on the consumer complaint platform 'Black Cat,' highlighting a lack of oversight and regulation in the sector.

Psychologists observe that in their haste to find relief after a breakup, people often fall prey to such coaches, whereas they should be seeking advice from trained mental health professionals. However, public attitudes are gradually shifting. While the focus used to be entirely on winning an ex back, many people are now beginning to realize that their own happiness and mental health are more important than any relationship.